Birthday Bash Part 1 – Dinner.

Last night Tina, Jenny, Abby, Aaron, Chuck and Kenn all helped me celebrate my birthday in style… Mini Golf Style! The night began at a local fast/greasy food establishment called Schaellers. Actually, let me back the train up just a bit for a little background first. My birthday was Monday, but that day was spent driving back from Long Island O.D.ing on Henry Rollins’ Spoken Word discs (that’s a subject for another blog). Thursday was chosen because it was the only day for the next few weeks we were all available. When asked if I had any requests I simply said, “Surprise me…”

So the night started at Schaellers. Most of us opted to try the Trash Plate. What’s a trash plate you ask? <time for a side track…> Here in Rochester, there is this thing known as The Garbage Plate (pictured here). Make that a “legendary thing”. I refer to it as a “Thing” because “Food” doesn’t quite cover it. The Garbage Plate, worshiped as a minor deity by countless fraternity members and college students in the Rochester area, comes in many configurations. The most popular is the “Cheeseburger Plate” featuring:

  • a base of macaroni salad and home fries (baked beans or french fries can be substituted)
  • 2 grade “Z” beef cheeseburgers on top of that
  • 2 slices of bread on top of that
  • finally a liberal topping of the “Hot Sauce”. …Ok, I need to side track here in the midst of a side track. For those of you outside of the Western NY area Hot Suace isn’t what you assume it to be (Tabasco or Red Hot). This stuff ain’t even remotely close, in fact, it really isn’t spicy hot at all. A better name would be “Magical Mystery Meat Sauce.” The Rochester Hot Sauce is basically a gravy of sorts; an unidentified ground meat with some spices and a whole lot of grease (I’m told that this is a variation on a Greek Meat Sauce).

Basically the components combine, like Voltron’s Lions, to form a pile of grease on a paper plate (sometimes blazing grease on the grill). According, to this researcher, there is at least 93 grams of fat in one serving (note: that he doesn’t factor in the Hot Sauce, which easily tips the scales past the big One-Oh-Oh). When you finish one of these suckers your paper plate can be used as a makeshift window thanks to the grease’s translucent effects. So why would anyone eat this you ask? Youth and Alcohol (lots of Alcohol) I respond. Nick Tahoe’s, the restaurant that created the Garbage Plate, is a right of passage for Teens and College Students here in Rochester. It’s become so popular that many greasy spoons around town, like Schaellers, have created their own versions. This process involves throwing the same stuff on a plate, then using a thesaurus to find word/phrase to substitute for garbage (trash, rubbish, any N*Sync album, Kenn’s Mini golf game…). Combine, shake, and *presto* a Trash Plate.</end side track>

After our dinner (and our arteries recovered), out came the cake. During this time I learned three things:

  • from Tina: apparently the birthday person gets another wish when they cut the first peice of cake. I suddenly felt cheated out of 26 wishes.
  • from Aaron: “gouge” can be used as a slang replacement for information. Everyone around the table found this rather sketchy. Perhaps he had gotten some bad “gouge”
[Arrhhh... me bootie..er... booty]
Check out my haul! What great friends!

After the cake came, of course, the presents. Abby gave me a bag of awesome relaxation aids! Body Massagers & heat pads, facial masks and exfoliates, chocolate, and a copy of YM! featuring the cast of American Pie 2 and Allyson… (hmm maybe that last one was a poor choice to mention as a relaxation aid). Very cool, very useful (though didn’t really help in the let’s make Matt feel more manly category). Tina & Chuck gave me this Awesome Chinese Bowl, a sushi mat and some “Blue Balls Natural Soap” (I swear that was the name). The Soap smells really good and kicked off the theme of blue spherical objects for the rest of the night (and this has nothing to do with my current relationship situation!). I tried see if the Balls’ Soap Company had a website but gave up search after I got the results back from typing “Blue Balls Soap” into google (*shudder*). The last gift included a cool Wok Cookbook, 2 sets of good chopsticks, and some beautiful serving/soy dishes from Aaron and Jenny (I love to cook, and I already started to plan an Asian themed community meal). The photo to the above right doesn’t really do justice to any of the gifts, but it gives you an idea. After that we departed for the evening’s activity.

coming soon, part 2: Mini Golf